Welcome!
Thank you for visiting the website of Lisa Hoelzer, the author of Letting Go: How a Family Crisis Brought Clarity and Authenticity. If you are the parent of an LGBTQ teen or one who is struggling with anxiety and depression, you'll definitely want to read this book. The book is also for people who have left or contemplated leaving a high demand religion, See the Book page for more information about the book. Or check out the Blog! Be sure to sign up for emails from Lisa, and use the Contact button for any questions or feedback. If you want to follow Lisa on Instagram, her handle is lisahoelzer_author.
Bio
Lisa Hoelzer has been married for 26 years to her wonderful husband, and they have four children, one getting a PhD in English, one a junior in college studying pre-med, the next just finished their freshman year and wants to major in Chemistry, and the last is a sophomore in high school and plays volleyball year-round.
She lives in Provo, Utah, and loves it. She grew up in Utah and wanted to come back after living in Minnesota for 14 years. She has a bachelors in chemistry and tutors college students in organic chemistry. She also has a masters in social work. She stayed home raising her children but loves to read, study and write.
She and her husband raised their kids in the Mormon Church and were very faithful members, but they left the church in 2021. The decision had been brewing for a few years as Lisa grew more discontent with church doctrine and culture. She started keeping a list called The Factors. It included the narrow-mindedness of Christianity, how there is only one right way to be and how other people's cultures or experiences aren't valued. The list kept growing, and then when everything shut down in 2020, she realized she did not miss going to church. It had begun to feel like she was playing a part, saying and doing things she no longer believed in or even thought were right.
Besides Covid, two other things happened in 2020 that resolved or settled her decision.
1. The killing of George Floyd and the surge of anti-racism information that came after that. Lisa had always been interested in anti-racist work, was aware that discrimination was more widespread that most (white) people knew or recognized, and believed we live in a white supremacist society. But that summer, she learned a lot more, including how white Christian churches have been complicit in upholding the systemic racism norm. (And the Mormon church tries very hard to be the same as and accepted by mainstream American Christian churches).
2. Her child came out as LGBTQ. Having a child in that group completely changes your perspective. She felt she couldn’t continue going to a church that would not allow her child the same salvation as heterosexual people. That doctrine is offensive and illogical. Their policy of encouraging gay members to be celibate their whole lives is so harmful to those individual's well-being. To be in good standing, LGBTQ members cannot hold hands, hug, have a life partner, love someone or be loved. Lisa had always been uncomfortable with that doctrine, but now that it was up close in her family, she couldn't continue her membership.
Her book, Letting Go: How a Family Crisis Brought Clarity and Authenticity explains all this and more. The book chronicles one tumultuous and life-changing year in her family's life. It alternates between telling the story of her children's depression and anxiety and outlining her journey finally leaving Christianity and stepping into her authentic self.
