Now Available!
Letting Go:
How a Family Crisis Brought Clarity and Authenticity
Advance Reviews:
“This engaging book about a challenging year in the life of Lisa Hoelzer’s family is both vulnerable and thought-provoking. The author’s courage in sharing the triumphs and disappointments she experienced as she grappled with her children’s mental health issues and her own beliefs will be of benefit to every reader. Her timely story provides hope and healing for all of us!"
-- Nan Osborne of Hulu’s Mormon No More
“I am so grateful parents like Lisa Hoelzer exist -- parents who are willing to examine assumptions about who should do the changing when children are in emotional pain. Hoelzer's intensely personal story demonstrates how a parent can make room for a child who believes they cannot fit in and should erase themselves. In thoughtful and riveting narrative, she validates parents' experiences of pain and confusion in learning to pay attention to a child's unfolding self-discovery.”
--Lisa Tensmeyer Hansen, PhD, LMFT, Clinical Director Flourish Therapy Inc
“Through sharing the crisis that hit her family, Hoelzer takes us on a journey as she reexamines her personal and religious priorities. When she finds out more about her children’s identities, Hoelzer is willing to open her mind to new possibilities regarding how the world works and how her family should look.”
Marilyn Schlitz, author of Living Deeply: The Art & Science of Transformation in Everyday Life
“The story is gripping, hooking you in from the start, and with so much tension and high stakes, readers won’t be able to put the book down. Readers will grow attached to each member of the family as we witness them in their most intimate, sensitive moments.”
--The Book Review Directory
Book Description
After thirty years of commitment to a strict and demanding religion, Lisa was contemplating stepping away from Christianity. Her reading, studying, and reasoning over the last few years in the areas of parenting, racial issues in America, social psychology, and noetic experiences had led her to serious questions and concerns about religion, including the role of white supremacy in Christianity and the misguided belief that there is “one right way” to live. Through a process of cognitive coaching, She started to see how the stories her mind created—stories about who’s good or bad, her personal shortcomings, and how other people should behave—contributed to her growing internal discontent.
When her child attempted suicide and then came out as non-binary and bisexual, the decision of whether to stay or leave her religious community became of primary importance. Previously, the benefits of the church had outweighed the problematic parts, but after 2020, the scales were tipping in a different way. During this tumultuous year, she grappled with how to help my family, how to figure out what she really believed, and how to live more authentically.
Quotes from Letting Go:
"Allowing elasticity in your beliefs is necessary to be able to develop your mind and grow as new evidence comes in. Part of adult human development is to update your models and worldviews. This is what happened to me over the past year—new evidence came in about my family, their struggles, their LGBTQ identities, their feelings about the church, and the effect of the church’s policies and doctrines on LGBTQ youth. I allowed this information to sink in. I contemplated it and compared it to my existing thoughts and decided something needed to change."
"[Robert P.] Jones explained that white Christians have always believed their version of Christianity is God’s means of bringing salvation to a lost world. In the past, I have thought of this as important soul-saving work, but now that sentiment sat differently with me. Their “munificence” is patronizing and self-centered, implying that what other people have is not of value and that everyone needs to be a certain way (the white Christian way) to have God’s favor. I realized that Christians do not want to listen to or learn from other groups; more likely, they want to change them. This bothered me."
